getting back on track

I like this title.
I'll use it again in two weeks.

Two weeks until the semester is over.
And I run out of excuses to half train and totally not work towards losing that 15-30 lbs (depending on what my "goal" is) I've put on.

For now though, I am working on my paper watching the Biggest Loser with an oatmeal scotchie. Or three. Shh.

by the way...

I got word Sunday night I passed my exam.

1 paper and 1 stat exam to go to dissertation status.

Guess its time to ask people to be on my committee?

ledge

I've hit the point of the semester where something has to give. Its busy season at work. Rugby is in full swing. I have stuff coming due in both classes. I have a half in 6 weeks. I, um, need to turn in my qualifying exam in 22 days. And, uh, we're listing our house. I might throw up.

I think for the foreseeable future (read: until April 15, or May 12, we'll see...), I'm going to have to ditch the weight room and pretend running + rugby is diverse enough workout.  And I'm pretty much ditching my classes until this exam/lit review is done (except I have a - gag - group project also due April 15, and I guess I need to participate in that). No reason I do a semesters work in 3-4 weeks for these courses since I'm writing 3/4 of my lit review in 3...

I really need to work on my procrastination and priorities.

10 years

I was a freshman in 1999. I was over 1500 miles from home, at a school that had a lot of spirit and a lot of school-spirited traditions.

One of these was the Aggie Bonfire, built over the course of the fall semester each year for what was essentially a 70,000 person pep rally prior to the annual Texas A&M/UT football game.
I never saw it burn, as the 1999 Bonfire collapsed a week prior to Burn while being built, killing 12 students and injuring at least 27 more. I can't succinctly explain what happened on campus in the weeks and months that followed, how the climate changed over the next few years (hello, Risk Management), how the on-campus culture was completely different from my freshman year to my last year as an RA several years later. I wish I could; I am sure it would make a fabulous case study.

What I can tell you is I can't believe it has been ten years. I am glad that there is a student led Bonfire now (from what I gathered on my FB news feed), and that the tradition has continued, modified as it is. At a school where tradition dictates which patches of grass you can and cannot walk on, losing Bonfire all together would be another tragedy. I am kind of sad that the website that used to have a camera watching Build now has links to the annual ceremonies - I wonder how long these will happen, and if it makes sense - and to posters of the (ugly) memorial and remembrance teeshirts (what?).

But I am perhaps most overwhelmed with perspective. At 18, I didn't grasp the outcry for why the University didn't oversee the project more, why wasn't the structure certified by PEs, why, why, why? At 18, I agreed with the arguement it was built by smart students who learned how to safely build from their predecessors. That they would do anything to keep the tradition alive. After all, they were outside at 2:43 am building it. That's dedication, right?

But at 28, I have perspective, perhaps parental perspective without the overwhelming love of parents. As a university administrator and a sports team administator, those questions of Why are really clear. Why WASN'T the University more involved? Alumni politics? A preferance for a blind eye? I am not sure. But when I think about the 12 kids - kids, really - that died, it is heart breaking. Most of them, 8 I think, were freshman. 3 lived in the dorm where I was an RA for the following 3 years. Without even being among their friends, I can tell you with the utmost confidence what an impact on their friends and roommates and others those three, and their deaths, had. There is still a memorial at that dorm. I hope it stands long after the building (already a bit old and crumbly 10 years ago, thanks to shoddy 1960s we-need-space construction).

It occured to me in class yesterday, when the topic came up in passing, that if it were to happen here, today, it could be my kids. Not my literal kids, as I certainly don't have college aged children, but the kids at work or the kids I coach or the kids on the all star teams I work with. And that breaks my heart. I cannot imagine what it was like for the parents of those who died, how any parent survives losing a child. The thought something happenning to my college kids, the thought of the mortality of my little 18 and 20 year olds, who are so innocent, so full of life and promise, literally brings me to tears.

school

Sometimes I hate that I am a part time student.
I like my classes SO much more than my job.
I enjoy, in a masochistic way, writing multiple 20 page papers every semester.
I am infinitely jealous of my classmates who go to conferences in fun places like Vancouver on our advisor's (school funded) dime to do cool things like present and things I hate but should do like mingle and smooze network with folks in the field.

But on some level I know I am not meant to be an academic and the professional doctorate is the right choice. And I know that if I were a full time student we couldn't have our house, couldn't do the little bit of traveling we do, and I'd be even further behind on my retirement...

But. Le Sigh. Today, I would much rather be a full time student.

fail

I kind of suck this week and need to get my act together. Case(s) in point:

I haven't run in over a week. I have a half marathon in under a month. Under 4 weeks actually. Oops.

I skipped class tonight.
Because I hadn't written my paper.
For my capstone doctoral course (I have 2 more classes left but whatever).
Which my advisor is teaching.
I told her I was sick.
I came home, went to the dog park, spent 2 hours playing with the dog who thinks I abandoned him by leaving for work and gave me the option of paying attention or having him bark at me (he never barks. unless he feels ignored), then wrote 4 bad pages to add to the two crummy ones I wrote on the train, and turned in 6 pages of what was supposed to be a draft of 8-10 pages. Thank goodness it is not graded. Just mortifying.

I forgot we are having a baby shower/potluck at work tomorrow. I stopped on the way home and bought a super cute baby outfit and soft photo album (its cool, really), and given my state of mind, sprung for a $5 gift bag. Also super cute, but $5?? Then I went next door and bought fresh mozzarella. Who brings cheese, just cheese, to a potluck? I will eat it all though and not be sad if no one else does. I'd make some quick cookies, but 1 am bed sounds like a bad idea seeing as I fell asleep on the train the last two evenings.

I sincerely hope I do not have an assignment due in my class tomorrow afternoon - I am not checking till the morning, since clearly I cannot resolve such an issue at 11:38 pm - and I also really need to run. Or I might melt into my couch. Then my laundry basket will officially spill onto the floor, and the buildup on my un-vacuumed-for-a-week carpet will start walking (WHY do people buy wall to wall carpet? AND put it on stairs? why?)

suspense

Well, for me.

Next Friday morning is my follow up with the podiatrist about the sprain-that-wasn't (CT scan revealed a fracture in the old break and a lot of "ununion"...thanks low blood flow area)

So...can I play rugby this fall? Am I flying to Orlando for 1 day just to hang out and experience Air Tran? Should I be saving to go to FL and CA for playoffs? Should I be figuring out how I'm going to draft three dissertation chapters, take a second class, go to work, coach, and go to rugby AND feed the dog and shower without losing my mind? Can I run the Philly Distance Run? 9/16...unlikely, seeing as that's 4 weeks from next weekend and 2-3 days of elliptical isn't exactly the 20ish miles/week I'd like to have under my belt for a half, besides that is it a good idea to run a half 12 weeks after a fracture? Can I run the Philly Half Marathon in November? That would be 12 weeks from next weekend, perfect time to ramp up from 12ish miles/week to 20ish (Hal Higdon Novice!)...I could do it.

But, alas, planning for all of these things, figuring out how much travel (rugby) the fall can hold amid school etc., and allowing myself to obsess over athletic training of some sort is all on hold. Dr. W, your verdict next week about what I am permitted to do and when I am permitted to do so (I HAVE to listen since even if this fall is a wash, I'd like to not be out of commission for the rest of eternity) holds more weight than you know.

up and down

The summer semester will be over in less than 12 hours since I've opted out of class summer session II. I kind of love summer school, because the classes are a little lower maintenance...the final project for this class is a poster presentation (I am clearly not that artistically inclined and much prefer powerpoint...). Quite a bit less work than the 20 pagers I typically write. Maybe I should have taken more classes from the counseling department...Regardless, I'm pretty excited about my 8 school-free weeks. Maybe I can tackle my inbox at work now...

In the down...
About 2 weeks ago I stepped off a curb and twisted my foot again. Its still swollen. I am getting worried. Its not a trick of lighting that there's visible veins on my left foot and not on my right... I'm getting tired of the elliptical, but every time I try to run, the swelling gets worse.

the big problems in my life

really aren't all that big. I know I'm lucky that this is my major dilemma in life.

I have a big scheduling problem.

Part A: I am taking two classes this fall. I've done this for a couple of semesters now in my quest to be the fastest (or among them) part time doctoral student in GSE history, and its stressful for the latter half of the semester. Fall = rugby is in the first half, so not that bad...except I'm taking ProSem, which essentially requires a draft of the first three chapters of my dissertation to be written (well, of A dissertation, but in light of my timeline desires, I'd like it to be a USEFUL major project).

Part B: One class is late afternoons Tuesday, ending at 6:30. This means I can't go home to get my car (an hour trip each way) between work and practice. Manageable (somehow) though.

Part C: I really like working with the college team. They practice Monday and Thursday. This is a problem, as Princess Charming, the head coach, doesn't work nearby anymore and is hard pressed to make their practices. And my team practices Tues & Thurs.

Part D: Our game schedules overlap 5 times (of a 8 game or so season). Not tragic, Princess Charming can go to the DU games while I go play...

Part E: My club team has games in Orlando, Boston, undertermined playoff location, and if we go all the way, San Francisco...that's a lot of plane tickets/long drives. $$$ + time (see part A).

Part F: Can I really commit to train to play at a level where a) I would get some playing time for the games in Part E and b) can I even compete? Am I athletic enough to consider this? Do I even want to? Sigh. Part of me says a big YES especially as this is likely to be my last competitive D1 season, since I'd like to be pregnant or in the process of getting so for Fall 2010...
Does that desire outweight my desire to work with the college team? After the heartwarming experience with the select side last weekend (more later perhaps), I'm not sure. I also feel guilty, as club president, for not being sure if I want to commit to more than Developmental (read: B-Side) games at home...

THIS is what you learned in school for $50k/yr??

Hi XXXX,

This may be me overachieving, but I was really hoping to make summa cum laude status (which I believe is a 3.80), my GPA is a 3.78 - I'm dismayed - is there anyone I can speak to for a possible GPA bump??


Thanks!
Clearly Insane Graduating Senior


EDIT:

There is more. Our emails (mine saying, "No, be proud of your Magna Cum Laude") must have crossed paths, because this was stacked on her first, not on my reply.

Before I embarass myself, would I stand a chance in asking my [class XXX] professors to bump me from an A- to an A? Which would bring my GPA to a 3.796 - will [Institution] round this to a 3.80?


Thanks,
Clearly Totally Insane Graduating Senior

Thanks, Student Financial Services

email I got at work today

In these difficult economic times, consider these payment options when planning to pay your upcoming Fall 2009 and Spring 2010 term bills:

3. Lock in current tuition rates through the Tuition Stabilizer Plan. If you have the resources, consider prepaying tuition and mandatory fees for future years at the 2009-2010 rate, and avoid increases. Enrollment can be for two, three, or four years, and is open to all students, except those entering their final year. Enroll by July 15.

Sure, let me pull (many) THOUSANDS of dollars out of my back pocket. Oh, wait, my "resources" you meant my trust fund didn't you?

sigh

and the rich get richer...

ok, so...

I start work on Monday. This is excellent for a few reasons:
a) I'm broke
b) I'm broke
c) I'm bored
d) I'm really unproductive when I have nowhere to be

And I think I'm really going to like my office and it'll be a good position for a couple of years. I figure I'll have to stay in some capacity at Penn for 5 yrs or so if I opt to go for it and pursue an Ed.D. starting this spring (and figure if I should take out more loans to cover the taxes on that or what....)....but that's ok. I think I like Philadelphia. I've seen more of it the last few weeks since school ended, and its pretty cool. Its amazing how much time school takes up (which makes me not terribly excited to do a doctorate part time but I'll cross that bridge when the time comes).

I'm also kind of hoping going back to the working world gives me more time for my extracurricular life, er, rugby. This year I missed two games and probably half a dozen practices, which is about what I missed in the last 6 years. I may not be a super-star (or even a plain star) but at least I'm reliable (that count for something, right?). While I have a horrid guilt complex, the priority shifting that paying massive tuition (read: over a year's salary) brings also inadvertently helped me realize its ok to not make rugby tops all the time. Given the time of year, I haven't seen any rugby people in weeks (which is true, though I doubt it was noticed since I didn't really have the opportunity to hang out this season anyway)...and there were actually events the last two weekends, but I missed them for long-standing plans with family. That priority shift probably is a good thing, seeing as I hardly ever see the family and noones getting any younger...

I have a question

What do (chronically) unemployed people do all day?

On the one hand, having lots of time on my hands is nice. My apartment is pretty clean. I've started cooking again. I've opened books with titles other than "Declining by Degrees" and "Higher Education Finance" recently. I bought a couple of trashy magazines (eg. Glamour, such guilty pleasures). I've not only been sleeping more than 6 hours a night, but I've been sleeping well past 7 am!! And I think I'm finally going to wash my car and clean the rugby dirt out of my drivers seat today...

But on the other hand....daytime tv is is awful (not that nighttime tv is much better!). I find it really easy to spend hours doing nothing, and then wonder how its 7 pm and I haven't been to the gym yet. And while its been nice this last couple of weeks, I know I'm going to need more in my life soon....

And that's a real possibility!! A job I'm interested in checked my references...and I had another good interview....so...we'll see....with some luck, things will be more in line in the next couple of weeks!! YES. I hate having life "pending". Organization is so important to me.

checklist

• papers: check
• comprehensive exam: check
• degree: check (though the diploma proof is pending in the mail!)
• job: hmm, working on that one.
  

3 out of 4 isn't bad, right?

Tear

I'm an emotional basketcase this week anyway, but Matt's final GSE-Admissions Blog brought a tear to my eye. Seriously.

One week. 16 pages.

Happy hour.

(I heart Tequila.)

feeling very

One week to write a cohesive legal research paper. Did you know these things are generally about 1/2 footnotes?

I feel like this wouldn't be a big issue if I had, oh, any legal background.

If I do well on this paper, I should be offered immediate admission to any law school of my choice for being simply amazing.

heh.

weeeee!!

I just finished writing 11 pages about rugby, specifically the "movement" to make women's rugby varsity on the collegiate level. While its in case study format (and I don't completely consider case studies academic work), I'm pretty excited about it...mostly because I get to monopolize 15 minutes of the class' time tomorrow talking about rugby.

teehee.

feelin' green

Last weekend I went to a conference for school/work/interviewing. The keynote speaker was Al Gore (who is surprisingly funny). He also had a 95% or so liberal audience of student affairs professionals, so the cracks about the election and current politics were well received. This 2 hours was by far the highlight of the conference (especially considering I spent 2/3 of it in the dungeon of placement interviewing, which may or may not pan out...). For the first time in my life, I'm motivated to recycle...and glad I have a gas efficient car for reasons other than my own wallet!!

Due to the T-4 weeks countdown to the end of the semester, and accompanying T-(2 case studies, 2 short-ish papers, and 2 long papers (one of which I haven't even done a lit review for)) countdown, I am going to refrain from detailing all the best parts, but I did find his website:

http://www.climatecrisis.net/

I am also planning on going to Alaska sometime in the next couple of years now, because I want to see the glaciers before they're tiny or gone...

Free

from comps!!! (At least for the next 4-6 weeks, until I find out if I passed, or just didn't fail and have to re-do a portion)

By 1:30 pm on Friday, I was drunk off $16 worth of Mad4Mex's best. Excellent. We do have the best cohort ever. Seriously. I need to make time to hang out with these folks more before we scatter back around the country. (On the downside, the end of comps signals its time to REALLY get moving looking for jobs!!)

when opportunity knocks...

make it lemonade!

Normally fairly frugal and practical to a fault, I signed a check this morning to put a deposit on a study-abroad excursion (a 10ish - ish due to the lengthy flights-- day trip led by my history professor) to South Africa for this summer. Now, one may ask, how does a graduate student living on loans pay for a trip like this? Answer: another loan! My insides drop and twist at this, but lets be realistic -- when am I ever going to go to Africa? I'm way too practical. And travelling to countries/continents of this sort really require organized tours. Its not the sort of thing one books on the spur of the moment via Orbitz. And besides, its an education expense and I have the next, oh, 10 to 15 years to pay off the massive amount of debt I'm accruing this year, right?

I keep spinning around in my chair with excitement. Good thing I have the office to myself today.