finalized

We're legally a family.

Even if the federal government doesn't think so.

on babies

I've mentioned a couple of times we're/I'm really a little obsessed with babies. I even made a new blog recently for our future children.  This sounds nuts, but it is currently empty. I made it to talk about our fertility journey (ugh, that sounds....crunchy...or touchy feeley...or something...doesn't it?), but then I realized I wanted it more to post photos and such for our friends and family when the baby comes (eventually). And I don't necessarily want to share all the details of getting said baby with the mass family population (though they could find this blog through the screenname link, but if they're that sleuthy, do I care? Its not like I wouldn't tell someone who asked.).  Anyway, I've been considering for a while now - months now - talking about the whole getting knocked up process. I keep going back and forth, since it is a really private thing, but then its also so frustrating and I want to share. AND I have learned a lot from reading other's blogs and such about the whole gig.

I think I'm still on the fence since I'd never talk about it if, say, we could get knocked up "naturally" in the bedroom. For today, lets leave it at the basics - 7 months of monitoring, 4 rounds of Clomid and 2 iui's later, we don't have a kid or viable pregnancy.  This month is our first try with injectables, and thus far, Princess Charming's ovaries are a little too fond of the stuff. Sigh.  Still a possibility for a May kiddo though.

The Kids Are Alright

We splurged this weekend for a movie in the theater...who can resist an independent film (that is actually getting press) about a lesbian couple!

The movie was, almost surprisingly, really quite funny. While poor Annette was sometimes dressed in some unfortunate clothes (and I can't excuse even a hippie for naming their kid Laser), we really enjoyed the film. I've read a couple of review complaining about the sexual relationship with Mark Ruffalo's character, but I really didn't have an issue with the story line. Sexuality is fluid, and the center of the story was the difficulties of marriage and being together for years and year and enduring the stress and strains of everyday life.

I've already added it to our Netflix queue to see again (not to mention put out some extra support), and hope it goes into wide release soon.

I'll leave you with a favorite line:
Laser: I don't think you two should break up.
Momses: Why?
Laser: You're too old.

mixed feelings

So we're seriously considering selling our house, since Princess Charming has a wonderful job 90 miles away (and has been doing a terrible commute - and crashing at my parents' sometimes - for well over a year). This wasn't really the intention when we bought it two years ago, but no one can control small businesses (not ours!) going under and in that case no one (logical anyway) can turn down a position with a great company that is a great fit when facing impending unemployment, even if it is rather far from home.

I am so stressed out about this.

There's a lot of reasons for this, but a big one in New Jersey. HOWWWWW do I keep going back? There's benefits, don't get my wrong. My family (well, my parents...I have a tiny family) is there, I have a couple of friends I'm still in touch with there....but it is Jersey: the land of the strip malls, incredibly high real estate taxes (and housing costs to match), fake nails, bleach blondes, and really wretched traffic on "highways" that resemble access roads in TX without the attached freeways. And there's this vague sense of failure at moving "home," even though this time it has nothing to do with me personally and really is a great career move for Princess Charming.

Also, I clearly need a new job to make this work (shhhhh.....I'm not discussing this in my current job yet), and given NJ's current state budget, this is a problem since I work in higher ed and don't really want to commute to NYC from the area we plan to live in (likely 45 min via bus or train, then some subway time, for at least an hour total without accounting for delays and walking...yuck...that's worse than what I do now), so I have no idea if the schools are going to start hiring (not a lot of private schools- i.e. schools with cash - in NJ). Postings have been slow so far, and I don't want to just take A job. I want THE job. OK, maybe not THE job, but something on the right path for my career and in an appropriate pay range for my experience and education.  Easier said than done, especially when thinking about keeping our commutes reasonable.

And lastly, I am really sad to leave here. Not for logical reasons. I don't have a bunch of close friends here. I'm not attached to SEPTA. I'm a little sad to leave our house which we've made a good little home, but not super sad (its a 1950s split for heaven's sake!). I am, however, pretty bummed to leave my rugby team here and my college kids that we coach. I am really dreading telling both of them, and sad about it to the point I'm really tempted (well, lets put the job hunt IFs aside for this) to just figure out how to stay through the fall competitive season. I was more reasonable about this before our tournament this past weekend, and am now totally bummed. I spilled the beans to a teammate on the plane, and her reaction was "but, if you get a new job, this is it! you'll be gone after the spring!" Yes, I know that. But hearing it is weirdly heartbreaking. And my two top college players came on the trip (and were rock stars) and I already feel like we're abandoning them and totally letting them down by moving and I have no idea who we can find to replace us for their fall season. I am sad on their behalf sort of, and don't want to put that kind of pressure on their captain. This, logic says, is nice of me but a completely irrational reason to put our lives on hold. We do get paid for coaching, but it's not much, and probably works out to something like $5/hr (I don't want to do the math on it).

Sigh.

I know this is a good thing and good for us family and career wise, and I know things could be worse in a multitude of different ways and that we have it pretty damn good, but I'm still kind of bummed out today.

10 years

I was a freshman in 1999. I was over 1500 miles from home, at a school that had a lot of spirit and a lot of school-spirited traditions.

One of these was the Aggie Bonfire, built over the course of the fall semester each year for what was essentially a 70,000 person pep rally prior to the annual Texas A&M/UT football game.
I never saw it burn, as the 1999 Bonfire collapsed a week prior to Burn while being built, killing 12 students and injuring at least 27 more. I can't succinctly explain what happened on campus in the weeks and months that followed, how the climate changed over the next few years (hello, Risk Management), how the on-campus culture was completely different from my freshman year to my last year as an RA several years later. I wish I could; I am sure it would make a fabulous case study.

What I can tell you is I can't believe it has been ten years. I am glad that there is a student led Bonfire now (from what I gathered on my FB news feed), and that the tradition has continued, modified as it is. At a school where tradition dictates which patches of grass you can and cannot walk on, losing Bonfire all together would be another tragedy. I am kind of sad that the website that used to have a camera watching Build now has links to the annual ceremonies - I wonder how long these will happen, and if it makes sense - and to posters of the (ugly) memorial and remembrance teeshirts (what?).

But I am perhaps most overwhelmed with perspective. At 18, I didn't grasp the outcry for why the University didn't oversee the project more, why wasn't the structure certified by PEs, why, why, why? At 18, I agreed with the arguement it was built by smart students who learned how to safely build from their predecessors. That they would do anything to keep the tradition alive. After all, they were outside at 2:43 am building it. That's dedication, right?

But at 28, I have perspective, perhaps parental perspective without the overwhelming love of parents. As a university administrator and a sports team administator, those questions of Why are really clear. Why WASN'T the University more involved? Alumni politics? A preferance for a blind eye? I am not sure. But when I think about the 12 kids - kids, really - that died, it is heart breaking. Most of them, 8 I think, were freshman. 3 lived in the dorm where I was an RA for the following 3 years. Without even being among their friends, I can tell you with the utmost confidence what an impact on their friends and roommates and others those three, and their deaths, had. There is still a memorial at that dorm. I hope it stands long after the building (already a bit old and crumbly 10 years ago, thanks to shoddy 1960s we-need-space construction).

It occured to me in class yesterday, when the topic came up in passing, that if it were to happen here, today, it could be my kids. Not my literal kids, as I certainly don't have college aged children, but the kids at work or the kids I coach or the kids on the all star teams I work with. And that breaks my heart. I cannot imagine what it was like for the parents of those who died, how any parent survives losing a child. The thought something happenning to my college kids, the thought of the mortality of my little 18 and 20 year olds, who are so innocent, so full of life and promise, literally brings me to tears.

disappointed.

WTF Maine? And also you Washington?

I still do not see why matters of equality should be put to the vote.

If we did that historically, we would have a much different society right now.

Can anyone explain to me how this is ok for sexual orientation and not ok for race and gender?

one month to go

Our big 3 day walk is in a month! I unfortunately haven't been training as much as I should due to a foot fracture, cold, and the onset of classes and rugby, but I am still 100% sure it will be an awesome experience! It will be an honor to participate in this event in honor of my mom (in remission for 7 (I think) years), my friend MR's mom (fighting again), and all of the other women out there with the disease.

I'm at 65% of my fund-raising goal. Want to chip in $23 (1% of my total goal?) or $60 ($1/mile we're walking) or some other amount? Click the widget below!

its been a year

I last had a bad cold the week of September 14, 2008. This is, incidentally, the week we were on our mini-moon in Cape Cod. Today, September 14, 2009, I have a 101 degree fever. I can't tell you the last time I had a fever. I even called in sick to work today (not that that has prevented me from answering 17 emails already and I know I'll do more later).

Since our anniversary was yesterday and I spent the weekend at Pumpkinfest while Princess Charming spent the day laying our new floor, it would be nice if we had time off together not sick.

On the upside, here is a sneak preview of the awesome den floor:

Love & marriage

Glad has started a project to show what Gay Marriage really means to America (thanks Journal & Two Chicks!)

People who love each other.
email photos@glad.org your picture with your first names, legal marriage date and location!

engayged

Christina at Steady Happy posted this link a while ago, and I've been meaning to give it some attention! I can't resist doing a little PR in the name of love.

So You're EnGAYged is a new site dedicated to same-sex couples and their allies. The site is looking to promote LGBT friendly vendors and serve as a general resource. So far, so good. Its quite a bit nicer than the couple other sites out there...but its just getting started, so go support them!

I love the idea blog - themed moodboard shout outs to Iowa and VT! But my favorite is the wedding feature - also a love of mine on Practical Wedding, which I still can't take off my googlereader.

good, bad and ugly

good:
dad is going home 3 days post-triple-bypass

bad:
I discovered this morning I more or less twitch with anxiety when disconnected from technology. Our power went out at work for 45 minutes and I couldn't find a single thing to do, other than clean my desk, which would have been futile, since none of it can be REMOVED until I complete it...on the computer.

the ugly:
(or at least unpleasant). I haven't lost a dang pound this year and 60% of my pants don't fit. Upside: I haven't gained any more. I also haven't been trying that much (unless you count the 7 cookies + box of nerds I had for dinner last night as counting...).

booked!

6 months after our wedding, we've finally booked our "honeymoon," a week long cruise in Alaska. Due to vacation time and $ constraints (aka, we want a new bathroom by year end), we're doing the round trip to Seattle. Denali will have to wait for another year!

I'm super excited. I haven't been on a trip over 4 days in years!!


Now, I need to find out...are cruise ship pools heated?

not equal

Its not a big secret I'm a proponent of rights for homosexuals. (Note my choice of word. When was the last time you heard that used in a positive sentence?)

Anyway, I'm pretty annoyed by the new NYT editorial. Does this strike anyone else as separate-but-equal? (and we all know how that turned out). Feministe has a nice write up on this here.

All I want is to pay the same taxes as everyone else and get the same benefits. I pay the same taxes. In fact, I pay more taxes. And I'd pay EVEN more if we were on the same insurance plan - when Princess Charming was covered under my plan, we payed $1177/yr in imputed Federal income tax (tax on the PC's portion of the plan my employer paid for as if it was my income) and some more to the state. This, after I submitted 3 documents proving our partnership to my employer (and let's not forget it is somewhat more difficult to get a mortgage than a marriage license, which is all I'd have needed if this wasn't an anti-gay-marriage state).

But I digress. I think the best and most democratic solution is civil unions for all (decent editorial) linked. All marriages should be considered civil unions under state and federal law. The separation of church and state (the theoretical one anyway) supports this civil union stance nicely. This would allow for all couples, gay and straight, to get the same benefits under the law. Those who wish for religious recognition of their union can get married in a church/temple/whathave you as well. (I'm sure it can be worked out for both to happen at once).

If we remember the big civil rights movement, we'll recall that Brown v the Board of Ed did not magically change the majority opinion. It was nearly 2 decades after that, in fact, that interracial marriage became legal - as mandated by the Supreme Court - nationwide. Clearly, it was some while before the "majority" vote agreed on full equal rights across the nation for non-white persons, and I would be hard pressed to believe anyone would disagree with this perspective today.

Also, I really don't understand why gay marriage is such a hot button issue in light of all the other issues in the world/country today. I don't grasp why the battle of the religious right isn't against divorce and the rising single mother/teen pregnancy rate, which have a much bigger impact on the supposed "traditional" family values (which, incidentally, devalue women and girls and enforce a very patriarchal structure) than 2-10% of the population being interested in marrying someone of the same gender.



and off my soapbox for today.

doing it again

I never really had wedding withdrawl - perhaps because I was never SUPER engrossed in wedding planning - but I do have "if things were different" thoughts when I see other's wedding photos, etc. Since I haven't finished my faux-married-bio (since I mostly blog from work, where my photos are not!), I will do a different recap today :)

We had a wedding I loved on a reasonable budget. We're legally married (some places) and had our nearest and dearest (who could afford the trip) there.
However.
If things (DOMA, among others) were different, we'd probably have gotten married in PA where we live, seeing as it'd be weird to pick between our hometowns 900 miles apart. And we would have done just one reception (no casual-backyard-at-home reception), and the wedding would have been bigger in general. Still relatively economy without being tacky, but bigger.

Needless to say, I never really planned out those details since it wasn't going to happen.
I did, however, pick out some lovely fancy items for the wedding I would have if someone gave me, say, $50,000 I was only allowed to spend on the wedding (not the honeymoon, not a house, etc etc).
So some lovelies from that theoretical, totally impractical, waste-of-money-in-my-opinion wedding I might have a fleeting dream of but would never have. (And, now, little fleeting wants, be gone from my head!)

I'd have done a more lux invitation








and a custom stamp to match.
We'd have used a (duh) bigger place, and but kept our requirement of character and non-wedding-factory feeling, ala...














with understated ivory candle centerpieces and gold chivalri chairs.

real flowers for the bouquet with cymbidium orchids and calla lillies ala








and a spectacular dress ala















and somehow have hair that could pull off this











and a photographer that could do this












and now, back to your regularly scheduled, practical programming.

workdays

This last few weekends with so little to do have been fabulous.
With work and life back in full swing, I miss my babies...

the puppy & princess charming.

at least I get to see the puppy ever night.

Wedding Love part 2

Then we hit a lull...(and moved, etc)...

Then there were invitations for the at-home-reception

and the wedding!

and eventually DIY flowers (see later!), menus (also!), programs

and timelines for our guests with welcome cookies (Cape Cod is a good hike from NJ/NYC, Missouri, Atlanta, and Texas!).

Wedding Love

I was never a girl to DREAM about my wedding. In fact, I can't say I ever gave it much of a thought before Princess Charming and I began to discuss getting engaged. Then came the ring, and the wedding planning, etc...etc...the knot (and my little obsession, hi Sept08!)...anyway, I need to brag. I never made a Married Bio, and probably won't, because making it the way I envision it will take too much time. So...I'm going to do a mini-one via a few little blog posts. Then it'll be out of my system. Maybe. (not like I've deleted the wedding blogs from my google reader, as evident from how easy it was to send my newly-engaged friend 7 links of my favs this morning!)

In the beginning...there was us

then there was a ring...

then there was a guest list (54 of our closest friends and family), save the dates
,
a dress,
,
and a location for the ceremony

and for the reception
...

and an extra for our casual at-home-reception for more casual friends and family who couldn't make the trip to MA - our house! :)

mmmmwwaah

I was stuck in CVS for 20 minute last night waiting for my post-banging-on-my-mouth-with-masonry-tools experience with a numb cheek and mouth full of cotton. As such, I had to wander around instead of making small talk on the cell...and bought Princess Charming a couple of Valentines day gifts. For 99 cents each.

Tacky? Probably. More than I'd normally buy? Yes. I am a horrible gift giver. I hate picking out presents. We typically buy what we need or want anyway, and since we do 95% of our shopping together, that counts, right?

I hope Princess Charming appreciates her $2.98 worth of V-day gifts...they might even come with dinner, but not a card. That would double my Hallmark Holiday bill.